The Full Intangible Circle

This is all jumbled up. I think it flows, but then again, it's late. I hope it makes sense to you.

Sometimes I don't think I appreciate my life enough. God called me out on the carpet today at the church Christmas party. It was just a passing comment, but sometimes passing comments to a broad audience are the ones that can hit you the hardest. "I really have come to appreciate this life God has given me." Randall said as he was proposing a toast of sorts to the gathering.

I find myself complaining or thinking things are unfair or limiting myself. I do that because I only see things as how they are now, now tomorrow, not really yesterday all that much either. Is that how I am supposed to view my life? I know that scripture emphasizes faith like a child, but I didn't really realize what that meant until now. It's actually quite complex. Nothing is as difficult for me as reverse learning and that's just what child-like faith is. It calls for us to let go of the complexities of life and to walk in the confidence of the unseen. How ridiculous that sounds to an educated man! But education can be quite burdensome in itself. It makes apparent to the learner just how backwards the world is, and it is a vast understanding that increases the value of hope almost to an unattainable measure. Ignorance in exchange for hopelessness, one darkness in exchange for another.

I suppose that what we are supposed to do with education is to better this life as best we can, even in the face of the seemingly most hopeless of existences. That is the noble calling, but since when was nobility something admired by our culture? I mean if nobility makes money, then sure, but otherwise it sorta throws a wrench in the fine oiled capitalist machine that our daily lives are founded on.

So all of the darkness of education is tied back in to the difficulty of sharing that with faith, or at least, faith like a child.

Perhaps a child-like faith demands that we see our adversities not in our own educated or uneducated perspectives, but in the perspective of God. In that case, regardless of how large it seems, it is actually very small, and why worry over something very small?

But the educated mind wants to grab a hold of every detail and measure it out, to become involved, to solve problems, to wrestle with Truth. It is very difficult for that same mind to depend on a God who demands our dependency on Him.

But what is the mind for if not for the development of it's fullest potential? What was God's design in giving man a mind? Sometimes it feels like we were set up for failure just with the way our minds work, but this was evidently man's choice made in the beginning and every day since.

Then comes the devil. Because I know the power of my own mind and the passions and desires of the sin within me, I find it hard to believe in Satan's intervention in my personal affairs. Not only is it unspecified as to whether or not the Devil can be omnipresent, but I'm capable of falling just fine on my own. I don't feel spiritually powerful enough to necessitate an entity to waste time setting me up for failure. If I ever did have an encounter with the Devil, I'd consider it more of an encouragement than a moment of fear. I mean, if I could piss off the Devil enough to gain his personal attention, I must be doing something incredibly right and important in the course of God's will. But I don't really know if the Devil has to deal with too many of us Americans. We do a dandy job of falling on our own because we cannot master our minds or our flesh. Turn on the radio, turn on the TV, surf the web, drive your car on the highway. The feeble constitution of our minds and our flesh is not just product of our every-day lives, but a necessity, pulling it all into a full and seemingly inescapable circle. If the poison doesn't work, your children don't eat.

I want freedom from that, but would I be willing to give up everything required to receive it? The rich man and Jesus. To me, that story speaks not to a man, but to a country, and even more intangible than that, an idea.

I'm out for the night folks. Peace and love.