Hobby Ideas?

I realize I haven't written for a while, and it's not like I haven't had the time. I guess I just haven't been motivated to write. It's good that I come back here if nothing but to slow the steady drifting through life. I'm having a hard time thinking as it is, and though I only come back to read through these entries when I'm feeling really confused, it's always been nice to have just to run things through a second time, decided what I consider to really be important.

Once again I'm having a difficult time with motivation. I don't really feel inspired at all to do much of anything and it's pretty much driving me crazy. I know all of the things that I should be doing, but I don't have the drive to do them. I'm letting myself down. It's all a vicious cycle. 

I lost my keys today and I freaked out. Lindsay had to be at the airport and I was making her late, and that wasn't very helpful to the situation either. I just freaked. I considered the world to be over and I didn't know what I was going to do. I still had the small voice telling me that I've been through worse, but It's so easy to just pour all of your stress through the first open conduit. I searched everywhere. In Lindsay's car, at church, through the dumpster at church (flue season isn't a great time to dig through trash), and at Lindsay's house. She let me borrow her car being that she is in Ohio right now, so that I could look for them. I finally did find them. They were in her room on her desk. Why would I put them there? I don't know. I have a bad habit of fumbling with my keys with no conscious awareness.

I dislike how I punish myself for those kinds of things though. I get really frustrated about how "stupid" I can be and I just tare at myself until I feel justified. I do it about small things too, sometimes things that I did a long time ago. I hold myself more responsible than is humanly possible. I don't have that much control over being alive. Sometimes it's okay to be human. Sometimes it's okay to enjoy being human.

What I want to find is a good solid hobby doing something that I've always dreamed of doing. I think hunting is a big one. I know guys at work that do, so maybe I could join up with them. At the very least I could go into marksman competitions at gun ranges. I know guys at work that do that as well. It's about time I started using my resources.