Back and Around

I just finished spending several days that I got off from work, one of which was used to visit High Point, and the others were used to go to Ginger's wedding (Matt's oldest sister) in SC. Before I left I thought it would be this great idea to take my motorcycle on the trip, really open it up on the highways. I admit, having it around was kinda fun. It was a time of actualization as I rode it around my home town and I got to take Matt and Catherine on a short ride at the farm. But the rumors are true. It is not the most comfortable way to travel, nay, it is quite the opposite. Battling 80+ mph winds, bugs, rain, and saddle soars all accumulated into one exhausting experience. On my trip down to SC I left the night before the morning I had initially planned to leave. I was trying to beat the rain. I did for half the trip, but the other half I spent trying to convince myself that it was a lot like riding a jet ski. When I got to Matt's house, I turned over my boots, and it was like a movie. I poured water out of my boots onto the ground, lots of water. I also almost doubled the mileage on my bike. I put over 1000 miles on it in that one trip! That's a lot considering that when I left I had 1500 miles that I put on it over a three month duration.

But the weekend over all was good. I really needed to see all of the people that I saw. I thought about my faith and my relationships and pretty much who I am and what I want out of life. It was refreshing to see two people who truly love each other and love the Lord so passionately get married, especially two people that I admire so much.

As for my job, well, that would be sound. I ran sound for the wedding, and it went off without a hitch. I was thrilled at that. With all the cues I was setting up and different mics on, I was sure something was going to go awry, but not this time. I felt on top of my game. I also did some music playing both at the wedding and this morning at church. I love playing for people who live in cities that still love and admire music.

Coming back to Nashville was a bit disheartening. I don't know how to pin point it, but my life here seems lacking. I think it's because I tasted so much of a good thing while I was back east, it just brought me to realize the negativity that I've allowed myself to be consumed by. It's hum-drum, it's frustrating, I'm over-extended, I'm cramped up. That's how this city makes me feel. I feel big in a smaller town. I feel like I'm needed and understood. It makes me happy to be a part of that.

I think a big part of it is that, being needed. I don't mean "needy" needed. One of the quickest ways to annoy me is to have a grocery list waiting for me, to just need me to do stuff for you. I can tell when I'm needed and when I'm being exploited. A certain amount of mutual respect and interest, even, dare I say, admiration... goes into being needed the way I like to be needed.

Someone says:
"Hey, you've got something I don't and I admire that. What do you think about this?"

That's a great feeling. It makes me feel like I've got a purpose. It makes me want to help people. I don't think this environment gives me that. I can't say that it's all external reasons, I mean, I haven't earned admiration. But none of the things that I thought were my strongest qualities seem to do very much in this city. I don't know, I'm just complaining right now. I need to shower up and go to bed. Peace and love.