Beautiful Cascading New

I haven't written in a while as I haven't had very much time to sit down and ponder. I've been quite active these past few days and right now I just need to reflect. I guess I'm just spread incredibly thin right now, like there's not enough of me to go around. Maybe I think I'm bigger than I actually am.

I'm sending out mixed signals to everybody and I can tell because of the way people look at me when they think I don't notice, on the other hand, some might just flat out ask me if I'm okay. Sure I'm okay. I'm fine, just a little thin, which means I'll shut down and just be entirely relaxed whenever I possibly can. When I'm not worried about things and I'm not having to conjure up emotion so people think I'm normal, I guess my face just looks sad. It's not, but it never fails to have the masses ask me what's going on.

I think that it's always possible to find things that are wrong in your life. I bet if I were to sit down and think about all of the bad things right now I might be able to enter a newly defined state of depression for myself, but there are ways around that aren't there? You have to delegate in yourself what you feel is worth focusing on and what you should just tally up as part of life. You should also try and find some good things too. This time in my life is where I usually find absolute beauty in nature, like the sky or the sunset, and I just sit there and get lost in them. Because I'm there right now, I think my bike ride to NC will be amazing. Let's hope it doesn't rain.

These pages that I write on, and this is a completely isolated thought, they don't talk back. Sometimes I go long stints without writing a thing because I'd rather talk with someone who can talk back. But these pages don't have anything to say to me when I write in them. It's like having a conversation with myself. My words are here and I can search through them and look at myself from a distance. Or maybe I write because I just want to remember. Those journals usually look like nothing at all to the passer-by. I yammer on and on about insignificant happenings, but that's all I've got sometimes. I find my memory serving me less and less these days. Things that I wish I could remember, I just can't. Maybe I'm just caught in so much beautiful cascading newness that I can't breath. Maybe I need to meet old friends. I'm sure I'll get a chance soon.

Peace and love.