The Best for Now for the Best Later

Just got done with day one of the tour. We were in Taylors SC, and as nervous as I was, I think the show went pretty well. I could really start to enjoy this. I have a video of the tour bus, but I can't load it here because the wireless isn't reliable enough on the bus, especially because of the weather. This bus runs all of the multimedia stuff off of satellite.

I think there's a lot of room for improvement for me in engineering though. I mean I know there's always room for improvement, but I need detailed goals. Right now it's EQ ability. I want to get better at creating spacial quality in sound.

But there's no better place to learn than on the road. You have to know it because there's a lot riding on your ability to do these things quickly and with quality. You can get fired if you screw up too much. That's at least how I learn to do things, under pressure.

The pressure can get to me though. I need to be careful about exceeding my capacity for concern. There's only so much I am capable of controlling with my current understanding. I can't exceed that without experience and knowledge combined, which is what I'm getting. That being said, I shouldn't expect myself to put out a product above and beyond who I am and what I know. That kind of mentality only makes you screw up and freak out even more.

But tonight I know I have the capacity to learn more, but I think I did the best I can do for now. I hope that I met the expectations of the people I was serving, but if I didn't, I know I can pick it up fast. At least I know they were really grateful for me and how hard I worked. They all told me I did a good job.

This is only to further my goal in being positive with myself and making that a habit, instead of ripping myself apart over failure. I think I could accomplish more with a better attitude.

Finally, Lindsay contacted me tonight. She hurt me pretty bad so I didn't really want to talk about it. She said she cares, but I have a real hard time believing that. I blew her off kinda harshly, and I know I shouldn't have. I just have been feeling so good lately, like I could be okay. Then she shows up and picks at the wound. I know that probably wasn't her intent, but that's what how I perceive it.