Still Tormenting

I talked with Brittany tonight for the first time in a long time. I really miss our talks. We've always been such good friends, especially through college. She encourages me to make better decisions, and I feel like I can be completely honest with her about pretty much everything. She made me realize tonight how I just keep bouncing back and forth from bitterness to sorrow over Lindsay. I'm getting to the point where it seems more like a lucid dream than actual reality. I guess it's been her absence that has inspired such thought. There is no proof of her anymore, not in my room, not online (because I've hidden everything), and not in presence. The only thing I have left to deal with is my memories, which can die relatively quickly if starved in the right way. So I'm starving myself. I can't think of anything else to do. I actually even thought about hiding this journal for a while today. Pretty extreme, I must admit, but I know she doesn't read it, so I didn't bother. She admitted to me that she stopped reading it a long time ago. I don't know why I even still write about her. I am only giving her more control over my heart than I really need. She's somewhere in Texas right now living a completely liberated life, not thinking twice about me or this city. What a luxury that must be.

I'll get past this. I have no choice.