There is no way through life on an easy path, at least, not for me. I have come to a crossroads, completely at random, out of the blue. Never before in my life have I been stood before two choices that would cause me to be wrenched apart. I am a weak man sent to sacrifice my son on the alter before God. I have been given three days to find myself in obedience with God, to trust Him, that he holds Lindsay and I in His highest.
But right now all I see is blackness in a place where I fear I must go. Or do I see the wisdom and sacrifice in staying in here? Three days to analyze my entire life and see if I have the strength to let go of everything I hold dear and start over again.
There is so much of me that I wish could be mended now. There is so much of me that has been uncovered, strengths and weaknesses that I did not know I had.
What is the most frightening part of all of this is? Not only do I fear being separated from Lindsay for an unknown duration of time, but I prayed last week in my car that God would take me and do whatever it takes to break me into the faithful servant that I wish to be, but lack the strength to be. Those were pretty much my exact words. Is this the answer to what I prayed? Did I know what I was praying? Is this just a test? Am I to take Isaac to the alter and will the Lord provide a ram in his place? Can I submit to the Lord? Won't it hurt no matter what I do?
I need more sleep tonight than usual. I will go to Bible study to share my heart tomorrow morning before work. I need all of the prayer I can get. Please God.
Peace and love.
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