Too Late to Be Writing

I'm sitting here, still awake. I could go to bed if I wanted to, but I just don't feel done yet. I've been trying to rid my mind of stress all weekend. Let me tell you, I don't think this apartment has ever been so clean. I also made a 45' RCA to 1/8" cable to run from my computer in my room to the DVD player in the living room so that I can play my iTunes playlist on the surround speakers. I wanted something to listen to while I cleaned.

I'm still feeling it though. The stress. I just can't stop thinking about finding the solution to all of my problems if I look hard enough or if I make myself right with God enough, but ultimately it all falls on my abilities to take action. But I'm so tired of taking action and I'm tired of all of the world's hardships that keep knocking me down. I just want peace, but I keep setting myself up for failure.

I think the hardest part of being me is my sense of obligation to keep everyone I come into contact with happy. It just can't be done! And what's more is that whenever I let go of that, on those very very rare days, I just feel so much more happy.

I want to get to the bottom of that. I know that it's in there somewhere, the root of it all. I try to eat the right foods, get enough sleep, keep my task list filed down, and fill my life with enough culture, pray enough, but it never seems enough. It feels like a fire that can't be quenched. I just need to stop sometimes, but it's so hard. It's so hard to just let it all go.