Blessing of Friends

I just had an amazing night with my friends. AP spent a long time talking with me about how all of this unfolded. He said that he was sorry our relationship had ended, but he thought it brought out such great qualities in me and that it equipped me for good things to come.

Paul also dropped by. He is such an encourager. He just listens, and as we know, I am fully capable of talking. He listened to me share about my emotions over all of this, how I've been crying and how simple things have been setting me off. That's one of the things I found through Lindsay, the ability to cry or be emotionally expressive. I don't know what exactly brought it out, but I know that's a big difference about me now. Maybe it's just how she met me when she did. I won't dwell on it, but it happened.

Paul said it is a blessing for us to be able to let it go. Crying is an active relinquishing of control over something, which is what I struggle with. It says that I'm weak, and that I'm surrendering. I need to surrender. Last night when I cried I was doubled over. It felt almost like throwing up it was so strong. There was more to it than just our relationship being over, I am convinced. I think there was years of build-up of disappointment in myself that I was letting go of there on my bed. I am not in control, and it's not my fault. That's what I was crying about too.

I am glad for my friends.