Being single again is going to be hard. I said goodbye to Lindsay today for probably the rest of our lives, and that was hard. I cried so hard when I got to my car it hurt my stomach, but I couldn't, I didn't want to, control it. I have come to understand that there are some things in life worth crying about. It's okay for even men to cry.
We both know that this is the right thing for us. She seems to be having an easier time with it than I do, but that's just the way we always were. I tend to dwell on things too much. We knew there were problems in our relationship, but we were choosing to ignore them. But then we both realized what such a great distance was going to do to us. This was something we couldn't work through. So I'd like to speak highly of her in a segment of this journal.
Lindsay and I met when we were stepping onto a new stage of life. We didn't know anything about what the future was going to hold, so in that, we found comfort in each other. It was graduation night and I was in my cap and gown. I was lost in the hall trying to find my section when a girl's voice stopped me. She said my name, and she even knew what section I was in, but I didn't recognize her. She was a pretty girl with long brown hair, blue eyes, and square frame glasses. I was intrigued and I had a conversation with her that I got lost in. She knew me from a concert that I went to in her living room about a month prior. We had talked, and like most people who I only meet for a few minutes, I forgot her name and what she looked like. At the time I thought I was moving back to NC, so I didn't want to try and start anything, but come graduation, I knew I was staying because I had a job. I found out her name and contacted her on Facebook, as lame as that sounds. It was my only means to do so though. I couldn't think of any other way. I asked her on a date, and she said yes. I was really excited and I actually took her out on a real date to a real restaurant where I actually paid for everything. We found out we were into a lot of the same stuff and we both wanted to see each other again. That's pretty much how it all started. Our first kiss was like a movie. It was on a Summer night in a gravel parking lot. I was hesitant and I leaned in, and she could tell that I was hesitating, so she finished the job. As soon as our lips hit, there was a big clap of thunder and it started pouring rain.
She and I had a lot of good times, and we made our fair share of mistakes. She loved me with my flaws and I loved her too. I could never get over the fact that I wasn't perfect, which is one of the things that eventually drove her away from me, but I learned a lot from her. Formulas don't work, you can't find her, she just appears, and she won't be perfect, but that's the beauty of love. You push through the hardships and you hang on. What broke us apart wasn't our lack of trying. It was fate. Our lives were moving in two separate directions and there was no changing that without giving up one of our dreams and passions. That is a demand that neither of us could put on the other, and so it ended as abruptly as it began on Friday night, the 22nd day of the 2nd month of 2008.
I will probably cry more, especially tomorrow as I feel her presence leave this city. It will be a cold and helpless feeling, but I know the Lord will meet me there. I don't think he expects me to be cheerful, and I don't think he'll try to cheer me up. We were designed to mourn over the loss of something dear to us. But my life will continue, I will continue to achieve, and love has certainly not left me.
I hope the world for her. I am not bitter or angry towards her, and any man that says a degrading thing about her in my presence will wish they hadn't. Lindsay, may you always be blessed.
Peace and love.
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