The chronicles continue. I'm being very open about myself in these entries I realize. I guess I'm just not afraid to say what I feel like I need to say. Not a big surprise for most of you I'm sure.
Last night I cried myself to a Nyquil induced sleep. I thought I was going to be okay, but it exploded out of me like a starting gun. The next thing I knew it was morning, and time for me to go to work. I wasn't sure what to expect from myself, after all, I knew she was leaving for good at the moment I was driving in.
Up until lunch I found it hard to focus, but then the clouds literally broke and I saw blue sky again. That's sometimes all it takes to put me into a positive mood. I brushed myself off. It was up to me now to deal with what I was going through to the best of my ability, without shame.
I've been trying to focus all day on the things I had before I met Lindsay that I could have back now that she was gone. I am surrounded by good friends who love me dearly, I feel more compelled to go back to the gym, I am already starting to write music again and sing more, I am creative and engaging, and I have strong passions. All of these things were fainted in me in my relationship with her, and I'm going to have to learn how to hold them again. I'm not trying to degrade her. I told my friends the story of how it all went down tonight, and they got mad like I expected them too, but I explained to them that I was not ill towards her and that I didn't want that kind of support from them. It's all very true. I am going to miss her terribly regardless of how much it seems like she misses me, but mourning has drawn to a close. I now have to work on healing and stepping back out to my place in this world.
I rode my motorcycle today and it was incredible. It was exactly what I needed.
Peace and love.
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