Prideful Intellectualism

Intellectualism taken to the extreme... it drives me insane! I'm not the most brilliant man on the face of the earth. Take spelling for instance. I don't spell very well at all. Take writing for instance. My journals don't make a lot of sense. But sometimes I have good things to say, that much cannot be denied... Unless you're just trying to pick it apart...

The character I tend to rub up against the most in my life is the Prideful Intellectual. Let me explain what this person looks like. They are just as insecure as everyone else, but their method of covering that up is different. Some people hide from their insecurities in faith. They flat out deny that they have problems and they use some type of religion to justify or reinforce this. Some people let their insecurities eat them alive, allow them to define who they are, and simply live as a prisoner to them. The prideful intellectual uses knowledge and his own understanding to accomplish an even keel.

They have a gift, that much is true. They see things differently than most people. But their gift gives them potential to be a hero or villain above the rest or to themselves. There are so many people in this world that overachieve because they are afraid, just like the rest of us. They use their knowledge to defend their prejudices. They disagree for the sake of disagreeing. They are noble in their own minds, and people are pitted against them because they are simple-minded and they do not understand the greater weight of things. But like even the most simple-minded man, their pride comes from a source of pain and insecurity. They are shrewed listeners who pick apart every word you speak, argue semantics, play the Devil's advocate at every angle, and run from most things requiring emotional investment. Often times that source of pain comes from moment when they may have had faith in something or someone that let down their expectations. Prodding around long enough, you can find it. It's the subject that makes them the most angry to discuss.

But don't ever expect to beat this person out in a debate or argument. They are extremely well thought out and have high thick walls reinforced by shelves and shelves of books and dissertations. They will set traps for you to fall into. They enjoy argument as an opportunity to bolster their confidence in what they know.

I have a hard time with this character because I am not quick and witty. I am an easy target because though I might be intelligent, I don't have much skill in debate. I am an influencer and an idea man. But this character cannot be influenced and takes pride in picking apart ideas. Sometimes to me it seems as if they are searching for Truth like it was the Fountain of Youth. But Truth can be grabbed as easily as the arm of God. It is not provable by scientific or philosophic knowledge. In fact, the only thing that these kinds of knowledge can prove is what truth might not be, and that path is endless. These types of knowledge are not reserved for spiritual enlightenment, but for understanding the physical and potential world that we live in. If that is what your hope is vested in, then it is only as valuable as the days you live out, which have not been promised to you by God or science. It is then hopeless, and hopelessness seems to be the Prideful Intellectual's peace. It becomes the one thing that stays consistent throughout life.

I am scared by this person the most perhaps because I can see some of my own tendencies in them. Perhaps it is because I am capable of sympathizing with their pessimism that we both refer to as being "realistic". Regardless, my frustration has no end, and I feel that this is something that I must deal with internally.