Don't Give Up on Me

I was so tired this weekend, and I still am. I don't know why my body needed to relax so much, but I'll trust it I suppose. I hope I can have a good attitude about work tomorrow. Sometimes it is hard for me to, especially when I had such a good night the day before. My friends from Asheville are here, and they get along great with my friends from here. Makes me feel kinda sane, like I'm consistent and not as screwed up as I feel like I am sometimes.

I talked with a friend at church today. He's a touring artist with a pretty solid career, and I think it's only going to get bigger. I wanted him to know what a blessing one of his songs has been to me. It's from an album coming out this fall, and the name of the song is "Don't Give Up on Me". It returns me to a place of humble reality. He wrote it for his wife, and it talks about how he loves her, but sometimes it's not the best that he can, and he pleads with her not to give up on him because he won't give up on her. Well, I'm not married, but I find it to be so true with my relationship with God. My prayer is a pleading with Him not to give up on me. Lots of people have in my life. Some haven't, but I feel like they would if they knew the depths of my heart. That gets pretty intimidating when talking about God. He does know the depths of my heart. I tend to destroy love in fits of irrational rage in my life. Entire relationships that have taken years to grow I can sacrifice in a moment's notice because I confuse anger with not caring anymore, and I confuse anger with truth. King David was angry, which is why God did not allow him to build the Temple. God said he was too much of a warrior.

But my friend was compassionate to me even though I never told him the details of my hurting. I think someone else did. But he told me that he understood why I still was hurting. He said that lots of people wouldn't, but he did. I could tell he had been in a similar place. He holds relationship in the highest light of his life, but unlike me, he doesn't feel like that leaves him vulnerable. He said that for guys like us it is normal, and we shouldn't try to hide it. He said that pain was actually the source of his poetry and his ministry. Beauty becomes unmistakable in the midst of pain. I believe that. It was good to look someone in the eye and know that they understood me. Like having consistent friendships, it made me feel normal. Sometimes I need to feel normal.